Living in authenticity publicly is something I’ve always struggled with
Authenticity is my greatest strength and my greatest weakness. Let me explain. It’s easier to capture the authenticity of someone else’s life than it is to share my own. These past few months my time has been spent not just working, but also reevaluating and finding the right words to express where my heart is.
This year I really wanted to explore places in my heart that I havnt uncovered or have hidden away due to trauma or pain. Opening those boxes have been quite emotional but liberating. It’s brought me to a point in my life where I can’t let past hurts dictate my future moving forward. And I can’t let the words of those who didn’t believe in me cause me to not believe in myself.
So how do I choose to move forward? Do things that bring me joy. Yep it’s like #mariekondo but for your heart. And what do those things look like? Spending time with Gideon and Katzy. Making home videos. Capturing families in their homes. Cooking brunch. Getting bogo boba. Being intentional with my time with friends. And most of all releasing all my inner turmoil-struggles-thoughts-mindsets to Jesus.
Letting go so that I can move on with a fresh slate. It’s a constant meditative action. There would be moments where I’m alone and things from my past would rush through and bring up painful memories again. Then I’d have to tell myself... give it to God. Being a first time mom, there's a lot to learn in the process of growing a child. And not only that but also growing into my place as a mom as well. Since Katzy and I work at home we both take turns around the clock caring for Gideon. Which gives us barely any time for ourselves, but we make do with it. With the little time that I do have for myself these thoughts have been building up and allowing me to process where I'm at in life. So...
I’m thankful that I don’t have to bear the burdens of my past nor do I have to put it on anyone else. Being able to have a creative outlet helps a lot too. It forces my mind to think of the “now” and of what’s in front of me rather than sulking in the past.
I’ve met other artists who have had the same experiences and I’m glad to know I’m not the only one.
This is a fresh new start for my blog. As you guys have been accustomed to me blogging only about my work, but I think it's time to share a bit about myself in the midst of work. Because... my work is NOT my identity. I am me because it is who God made me to be. I'm thankful I have an outlet for my craft, but I also need an outlet for my own personal projects as well. So here it is. Here I am. And thank you always for your love and support all these years. More to come soon.
Photos by: Abby Lozares Oh